Real Happiness

I’ll bet our prisons are full of people who believe they have high self-esteem even as they live in a cage like a zoo animal without even the right to decide when to wake-up, what to wear, when and what to eat, when to go to sleep. In fact, I have some evidence to support this contention.

Last year one of my students was expelled from school for stealing $3000 worth of electronics and for bringing a gun to school. His classmates asked for my thoughts on the subject, and I told them [among other things] that I thought it was a self-esteem issue. My comments reached the expelled student who wrote the following from the juvenile justice center.

"First I need to get something off my chest. My sister told me that you said the reason that I brought a gun to school is cause I got low self-esteem that definitely aint it, I know I’m the S**t. I aint got low self-esteem ask my sister or anyone that knows me. Secondly, I did not bring it [the gun] to start another Columbine. The reason I brought it was for protection. I had almost 3000 dollars worth of stolen merchandise and I wasn’t bout to get robbed ya feel me."

This student went on to ask me to start a petition at the school to pressure the administration to readmit him.

Of course, this would all be laughable if it weren’t true. In fact, this student was a 17-years-old, blonde haired, blue eyed, all-American boy from a good Christian family. He was an average student with above average ability, a wannabe thug who will likely never achieve his high school diploma.

I wrote him back while he was still in jail:

Look around you, S. Are you happy?

Self-esteem is happiness.

The pursuit of happiness means: “A man’s right to set his own goals, to choose his values, and to achieve them. Happiness is that feeling you get when you have achieved your values.” [AR]

What have you achieved here?

Happiness means: “A profound, guiltless, rational feeling of self-esteem and of pride in one’s own achievements. It means the enjoyment of life, which is possible only to a rational man on a rational code of morality.” [AR]

Self-esteem, like money, is not a cause. It is an effect. It is earned.

For example: I am proud of my paycheck because I know that I have earned every dime. If I came into work every day and sat behind my desk giving you all a bunch of busy work, I wouldn’t feel I earned my check, and I would have no right to my self-esteem. My paycheck, like my self-esteem, is the result of my hard work. I set a goal to be the best teacher I can be, and I work to achieve that goal every day.

For your self-esteem to be real, your goal must be rational. For example: You can’t say “my goal is to be the greatest liar, thief, arsonist, or ax murderer” and expect happiness and self-esteem to result. Reality serves these poor souls only panic.

Remember the panic you felt the day you were caught. Remember it well. That is your reality. Nothing could be further from happiness.

You’re young, and I want them to give you a second chance. I hope you are not charged as an adult for any felonies. All felons serve life sentences. I don’t think you would have done violence [but this statement begs the question] so why carry a gun? There is no right to self-defense when the property you’re “protecting” is stolen! To think so is just ridiculous.

You live in the greatest country in the history of the world. You have more freedom and more opportunities to have a good life than any of your ancestors. You are living at the best possible time in history. You are intelligent and handsome. Yet you risk losing it all for a few thousand dollars. Most irrational.

You can do better.